Saturday, July 4, 2015
I dreampt a perfect story in a 17 hour stretch. The only words I'll ever have are the ones I've known before.
Three
times I woke and worked to remember it. Slept in the bath until the water got
cold; my son's bed where she'd left a canopy of printed fabric & Christmas
lights; and the firmer, nicer half of our bed untouched for five months. Less a
story, rather perfect proportions moving. A lava lamp! For real :) All the shapes
morphing, each intense color and shape shifting accompanied by the human
virtues: death, joy, boredom, love ... flowing instead of blurring. Now I've
forgotten. A Christian cartoon: three kids (white, yellow, brown) squeaking
through the Stations of the Cross. "How does He do it???" He is Jesus. Terrific headache. "Emergency
contact?" Now? My brother. Tears
explode. Staff concerned. Cool it. Remember Mingus self-imprisoned in Bellevue
- "Just needed rest." You pissed on that place. Fetal position (of
course), she wheels me to the CAT scanner. Soft sobs. Finally laugh out a workable
cliché "Nice driving." Her kind eyes. A projected loop of heaven blows
across 16 panels. I loved the end, the separation. The sky went up or my bed
went down. My problem with words: I often believe they mean something before living
them as in "letting go."
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